pisses me off

this whole thing just really pisses me off.
1-you're a huge douchebag
2-she's a douchebag
3-you're skecthing me out
4-i want texting back
5-i want you to hate him too
6-i need zantex

eff this shit

i hate you. i hate her. simple as that. you're a douchebag and i don't even know why there was ever any interest in you to begin with. this whole thing has blown up. i hate you.

this kills me

ti kills me to think that you've moved on already. and the thought that i'm the reason you moved on is even worse. it must kill you to be in your position. i have no idea. and i am so so so so so so so very sorry. i will be jealous. i just hope that i have something to hold onto when this is all done. i'm sad. i'm hurt. i'm angry. i'm not fully over you yet. i did start to love you. you were everything i wanted. but i just had to try this just one last time.

all of me

that took almost every ounce of me to write. and it feels good to let you know how i feel. but i haven't gotten a response from you yet. just a facebook friend denial. again. that kills me. our friendship started there. and now i think that's where it's ending. i'm too grown up to have these feelings. and i'm a bitch for stringing poor kyle around. same thing with blakes 1 and 2. i realize now that i did it all to be close to you. they all reminded me of you in some way. this could be our love story. the beginning struggle. i hear the soundtrack, i see the tears forming. too bad i don't know how this ending is going to go down. hopefully with me in your arms until september. for so long i couldn't wait for that date to come. now i want to go back in time. to a week ago. and tell you how i really felt.

this is so my notebook.

you've taken over me

i don't really know how to feel about this one. i hope you know you really screwed with my mind. you really made me into a monster. and i don't think you could care less. i really want to like this boy. i really want to be able to have a relationship with him. but because of you that's all been tampered with and it really pisses me off.

and i know i'm obsessive but i just have to know. what happened to that call. i heard yelling and then nothing. then call goes blank. this is scary. i hope you're okay.

i cry, never gonna hold the hand of another guy

travelin' solider. story of my life. i miss you already. and i'm going to see you in a week. just the fact that you're not in the same state as me makes me miss you. you're all that i have been able to think about today. i love you. i think i fell in love with you that night. you were so sweet. and since then i have been able to think of nothing else. you make me smile, you make me happy, you make me love you more and more each day. but i shouldn't. in 5 months you'll be shipped out. in 5 months i will cry harder then i ever have before. i better see you before you go. you and i need closure. and i need your address so we can still have a shot. trevor, i love you. please be careful, please just let me know that our plans for the future will come true. just this once.

i'm glad

i'm glad i've come to the conclusion that i won't spill my heart into these anymore. i will still merely just think of them. but i also think that blogging helps my writing...is that insane? I just wish that you didn't see them and that i could still talk to you. oh well. my bad.

What I want to say

i want to say i'm mortified, i want to say i can't believe i was so dumb. i want to say that the one small issue made me never want to write again, but here i am. pouring my heart out to someone who won't even read it. to someone who i know will appreciate it later on...looking back. who will just simply smile and say...i remember. this time it's for me. not anyone else.